I Have Some Questions…
(Disclaimer: I realize more than a few of the questions already have answers, and in some cases, multiple answers. This is because I gotta come up with 750 words and not all my ideas are Pulitzer worthy, OKAY?)
I am on occasion, either through irritation, inspiration or both, compelled to ask questions regarding the planet on which I make my home with seven billion other roommates, some of whom are kinda assholes.
I don’t really expect answers, but I figure, fuck it…It might be entertaining.
So here we go:
- If ‘White Power’ is something to be proud of, why do White supremacists take such pains to hide their faces when they do racist shit?
- Do Trump supporters actually understand how the Internet works?
- Why isn’t there a kill switch that erases your Internet search history when you die?
- Why do homophobes watch so much gay porn?
- Who is watching all the porn in Utah?
- Why does Pornhub have higher ethics standards than the US Congress?
- Why do the British think acting like a loud drunk coked-up obnoxious dickhead on a flight is ‘having fun on a vacation?’
- What will it take for conservatives to realize they’re garbage people?
- Why haven’t we funded research into extending the lifespans of dogs?
- What is the point of Love Island?
- How hard was it to write a decent conclusion to Game Of Thrones?
- Is all the good shit gonna be on Netflix from now on?
- Will Boris Johnson ever NOT look like an unmade bed?
- What did the UK ‘win’ with Brexit?
- Will Brexit supporters ever shut the fuck up about it?
- How long before they realize just how badly they fucked themselves?
- Who’s gonna tell Trump just how fucking ridiculous he looks with that shitty cheap fake tan?
- Why can’t you just exercise once and lose all the weight you want?
- Why isn’t weed legal right fucking now?
- Why does the first beer of the day taste so good?
- Is there some secret difficulty involved with thinking that I haven’t heard of?
- Why haven’t we renamed ‘common sense’ ‘uncommon sense’ yet?
- America: The whole freaking out over wearing a mask thing…what’s up with that?
- Is there some way we can point coronavirus in the direction of Ted Cruz?
- How much money does Jeff Bezos actually need?
- Was Whole Foods created to appeal to a specific target demographic…like the entitled middle class closet racist asshole health foodie market?
- Can we trade Betsy De Vos and get back either Prince or Bowie? Asking for a friend…
- Do Americans and Australians realize their countries were originally penal colonies no one actually voluntarily wanted to go to?
- Why aren’t we listening to Black women more often?
- What’s the big deal about a Black woman becoming President?
- Could I flirt with Viola Davis and Danai Gurira at the same time?
- Why isn’t beer an acceptable breakfast drink?
- Why can’t a Bloody Mary count as one of your five-a-day?
- How is it that politicians who work one third of the year, call people who work 40-hour work weeks ‘lazy?’
- Is being a selfish stupid asshole a prerequisite for being a Libertarian?
- Will there be a point where Kanye West goes so far up his own ass that he essentially folds into himself and disappears from existence?
- Can we have a massive global block party once we get rid of Covid-19? And if so, can I DJ?
- If ‘All Lives Matter,’ then what’s the big deal about wearing a mask?
- If I ask Chris Evans really nicely, do you think he’ll let me touch his butt?
- Don’t you think it should be glaringly obvious by now that the people most likely to become cops are the people that shouldn’t be cops in the first place?
- Why are people in apartments so fucking noisy?
- Why do all the people I really like live in fucking Narnia or some bullshit like that?
- Why are seagulls such assholes?
- Why isn’t there a country where orgies just spontaneously happen?
- Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?
- Who actually let the dogs out? Who? WHO?
- Why are we STILL having to deal with racism in the twentyfuckingfirst century? REALLY?
- Do you think Robert Kardashian had a clue as to what he was unleashing on the world?
- Does Drake realize he’s from Toronto and poses no real threat to anyone?
- Why can’t men’s leather pants have a sign inside them that says ‘You must be under 40 to wear these?’
- Why do White middle class British girls think getting drunk and twerking to Single Ladies is a good idea?
- Do Canadian serial killers apologize to their victims?
- Why haven’t we developed the technology to build amazing spaceships so that we can kick annoying people out of airlocks?
- What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?…
To be continued….
In the meanwhile, why don’t you enjoy this tastefully and meticulously curated playlist that accompanies this scrawling? It has a fine bouquet and is quite cheeky…